04-13-2020 Soulmate or do I just have a really BAD crush on this guy?

His name is Chris. He is tall, smart, gorgeous, has an adorable cleft chin, shoots pool like a monster and is sexy as fuck. I have wanted him since the day I laid eyes on him at the bar when I first moved out here last July.

He’s my buddy. My friend. He doesn’t have the same sexual attraction to me as I do to him. At least, I don’t think so. I knew he didn’t when we first met and he told me that the first night he drove me home. But now…I feel like he is trying to hide it. I could be wrong, though.

The problem is we have hung out a bit since then and have had some way deep conversations about lots of things, especially frequencies, mass consciousness, fate, aliens, what he wants in life, and things like that. That is where we really resonate with each other. Well, except the things he wants in life. Chris believes money is going to make everything in life better for him. Ironically enough, my DM thinks the exact same way. I never have thought that way and still don’t. Also, Chris and I don’t want the same things out of life from here. I want family and kids one day. Chris wants to be that oiled up fat guy on his boat with a bunch of big breasted bimbos standing next to him, feeding him grapes. He admits that.

However, this is where it starts to get spooky.

Am I reading into this too much or is this my intuition and my Higher Self trying to tell me something that I am desperately trying to ignore. Here come the questions that are either coincidences or signs that there is a life lesson here I am supposed to learn from this guy:

Why is it that I can be thinking of Solfeggio frequencies and what to listen to when I need to meditate and a day later Chris sends me a link to a YouTube video with regard to these frequencies? And just out of the blue. I never asked for it. I was just thinking about it.

Why is it that the last time we were hanging out and just listening to YouTube videos all night, I thought to myself, “I wish he had one of those circle thingys on the back of his phone so the phone can be propped up to see it better?” and the next thing he did, not 10 seconds later, was to grab a couple decks of cards to prop the phone up so we can see it better?

Why when I was thinking he should play a video by Rodney Carrington did he play a video by Rodney Carrington two songs later without me mentioning it?

Why is it that the first time I ever got into his white Chevy truck and he put on music, the name of the artist just happened to have the same first name of my DM? My DM has a very, very beautiful yet uncommon first name. (I hear it’s like that for Twin Flames. One of us has a very uncommon name. Not me, though. My name’s Christina. )

Why is it that when we are playing The Gathering, of all the times I looked at the little yellow score pad to view the score, the only scores that stick out in my head is the time we were playing alone and his score was 22 and my score was 11? 22 and 11 are Ascended Master numbers and whenever I see 22, I think of my DM. It’s been that way since my awakening 3 years ago.

Why when we were watching the movie ‘Passengers’ that he recommended we watch did he turn the volume up to number 22?

Why do Chris and I have so much in common? Both his parents and mine divorced when we were about 5 or 6. His Dad had two more girls, twins, with another woman. (My DM happens to have a twin brother.) My Dad had 3 more girls with another woman. When I asked Chris one day if he was close with his sisters, his words were, “I know them, but I don’t really know them.” I understood completely. I know my sisters, but I don’t really know them. I told him that.

Why is it that while he also introduces me to music I’ve never heard before, the songs he does play that I know happen to be on our playlist? (By ‘ours’ I mean my DM and mine.)

Why do we happen to have the same addictions in common?

When did cleft chins stand out to me all of the sudden? Chris and my DM have cleft chins.

Why did Chris tell me, when we were chatting about fate and shit, that all of his serious relationships have all been with women who have a name that begins with the letter ‘C’?

Why am I having more dreams about Chris than I am my DM lately? I had a dream this morning about him. It’s the second time this week. This morning all I remember was our friend Justin telling me, “This is a life lesson you need to learn,” but he doesn’t tell me what this is. In the dream I am attempting to get close to Chris and he is resisting. This is the exact same thing I went through with my DM right before our physical separation hit. Chris has told me more than once he really like hanging out with me. I listen to him. He even showed me a photo album of some of his childhood pictures. He threw in that he had never shown them to anybody before.

(Song that just popped on that Chris happened to introduce me to: ‘Desire’ by Meg Meyers.)

Check out these lyrics. We were talking about astral travel and he shows me this song. While you’re at it, check out the video and see if you don’t bite your lower lip as you watch it.) https://genius.com/Meg-myers-desire-lyrics and watch it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR5u9jb0PJE

Why, the last time we hung out, did Chris play nothing but songs related to sex? He also showed me he had a bottle with a few Viagra pills so he could fuck for hours. I laughed and said, “What, you need them?” He also mentioned the earlier in the day he’d been trying to get laid. I said, “What, it never went through?” and he kinda slightly shook his head.

Why when we were looking at the gematria calculator our our names and he pulls up my name, the first word he points out to me is the word ‘Pretty’?

Fuck me I just noticed the time I took this screenshot today to post this.

I am hearing thoughts in my head from either my Higher Self or my DM or both telling me I am supposed to BE with this guy. That I need to learn to take a leap of faith regardless of whether or not there will be rejection.

I don’t want a relationship with anyone out here, though. Is that the problem? Am I holding out for my DM when what I should really be doing is living in the now even if that ‘now’ means having a fling or relationship with an amazing guy?

I think I stumbled onto something here. Regardless of whether or not it works, I need to live in the now and not the future. Even if that means there is a possibility of falling in love with someone other than my DM.

Have you ever seen the movie ‘Passengers?’ It’s got Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt as the main characters. At the beginning of the movie, Chris asks me, “What would you do?” I know better than to ask what he means because I already know he wants me to watch and see what the movie is about and then think before I answer. The movie is about a ship on it’s way to another planet and it’s going to take over a hundred years to get there so all the passengers are in hibernation sleep until the ship gets there. But, there is a problem and Chris Pratt’s sleep pod wakes him up years and years way too early. After he realizes it and it’s been a year, lonliness really sets in. He comes across video logs of this writer who is played by Jennifer Lawrence. He battles whether or not he should wake her up knowing that by waking her up, he kills her chance of ever arriving to this new planet to begin this new great life. He knows that by waking her up, it’s so he doesn’t have to be alone while all the others sleep. He finally decides to do it, to break her sleep pod and wake her up. But, he doesn’t tell her he is the one who woke her. She assumes it broke the way his pod did to wake him up. She does find out later in the movie and she is pissed, to say the least.

So, I tell Chris, “It’s selfish of him. I wouldn’t wake her up.”

Then Chris says, “But, you have to think about what if it’s fate?”

That hit me HARD. I had to change my mind and think about it the entire rest of the movie. Chris Pratt had to take a gamble that she would even dig him. He was already in love with her based on her video logs and not even knowing her as a person. He gambled. He had no idea if she would love him the way he loved her. And then she did.

Yes! Okay?! I am fucking scared! He is AMAZING. He reminds me so much of my DM and it’s fucking killing me that I want him this bad. I feel like I am not supposed to love anyone else but my DM, but there is something pulling me towards him. I don’t know what it is. Why do my eyes avert themselves to the direction he lives here from the coffeeshop every so often and for no reason? I can feel it inside me now. It’s a soft, pulsing arousal feeling deep inside my body, toward the lower tummy area. Sacral? I dunno, but it feels weird. Good, but not good. It comes with guilt.

(Song playing: ‘Silk’ by Crywolf) https://genius.com/Crywolf-silk-lyrics

I think I am good for now. Til the next post.

(Song while editing and close: ‘Believer’ by Imagine Dragons) https://genius.com/Imagine-dragons-believer-lyrics

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