01-02-2023 “LEARN ME.”

The picture of the computer screen is taken from a YouTube video about someone’s time traveler communication experience. Paying attention to the spelling in green? Artificial Intelligence needs to be able to interpret the language coming in and leaving the simulation Earth is stuck in to know what we are all up to, right? If there is garble code stuffed in here and stuffed in there, unable to be interpreted by the All-Knowing Eye, aka Big Brother, this would be the best way to get encrypted messages to our team with the confidence that A.I. was unable to interpret the message. Believe me, we do knot want A.I. to hear the message dat wee whish tu pwee-vnt deez mayjor ebents bi gng bk true tyme n pweevntng teamers uv duh Mnhttn Poject frum gttng hld uv tm muchine n we-cweeating symulashuns 1 aftr dee udder, aftr dee udder, aftr dee udder.

Why come ju stopp-ed leebing me messauges on blnk blogg posts?

“QK QN”

Quik qwestn? Goh-uh-head.

“WUV ME STLL?”

Ju mn aftr bng putt true alll dis DM idendidy cwysis chit?

“YUP”

Me fink so.

“Wht U meen ‘FINK’?!”

Allz me knw iz me STLL cannt gt ju outta me head. Whn mee fntasizng, ju da udder pyrsn inda fntasee. Yooz a bwast 2 werk wiff. Yooz a bwast tu ARGUE wiff, too. I wuv it. Ju R louud. Ju R abwasive. Ju R whitty an mk me waff 5o bucking mush. Ur eben way wude sumtimez tu da udder empwoyees @ werk n donut eben knw u r beeng wude. Itz knda cutte, actuallly. Oh, byway, all dat deescwipshin me juss gave iz allso da sayme deescwipshin uv…wayte fore it…me!

Tu peez in uh pod.

N u sayy ‘fuckk!’ wots n wots wyke I doo. We wyke da sm moobies, sm teebee shows, sm type uv moosic. We bowf lived inn Calif awound da sm tymez, in all da sm bucking air-we-uhs!

U did aw’ll da tings in wyfe me wnted 2 do. Miwitary, pway dwums, twavel tu coool pwaces, gt me pylots lie-sense, ski-dvng…Alldough, UR skye-dvng wz da pussy way uhv skye-dvng. Statick wine. Statick wine iz fer gurls. Gurls n kndrgardeners.

Butt, knot win it kums tu kookng. Dat iz whre da two uv us R opposytz. Yoo WUV kookng. Yoo R dam gwate at kooking, tu! Butt, me? Skwambled ehggs fore alll eturnitee.

If me meel iz gnna tayke moore dan ten minnutes tu kook it, me wll nt mk it. Im DAT impayshent.

Uh-nudder opposight iz dat me wayzed on wong syde of twacks n yoo wayzed 2 b a pweetenshus snobb.

Vwy xcllnt wytng!

Tanks! Saye, roo-mur awound da pendoolum bored, iz yoo and eye actuawee met yrs and yrs ago. I wz twnty yrs old. Wee whived in da Snta Clrita Vlly. Onee nite, me wnt ovr tu Mike’s Gawage tu hang fr a bit. Himz hd a buddie wiff hm. I knot wemember wht diz guy wooked wike. Wz ferst nyte Mike shwd me da ‘yelloh’.

U hppn 2 knw whoo dat guye whuz?

Da-dee wnt qns nswerd.

An whn Da-dee wan sumting, Da-dee gts 1t, dznt he?

“JOE WTCH KLLR.”

“WTCH QN #1: KN $ MK U πŸ™‚ ? “

Muney ohn-lee mks mee h@ppee whn eye kn share 1t whiff udders.

“N0 $HIT?”

Seer-we-us-ly. Me nvr hd mush muney me intyre wyfe. Kalifrnia vwy, VWY xpnsive 2 whiv. Werned 2 appweeshe-ate $ vwy erly en wife, bcus m0m sngle m0m. Dis is y mee knot tah-ler-ate goldd dggrs. Or spoyled, bwatty childwen hoo knot knw da meening uv da wrd ‘NO’-witch iz actuallee da parwents fallt. Ritch parnts wayyyy toooo woreed wht udders fink abt dem. Eben purrfect strngrs. WE-FUHKIN-DICK-U-LUS. Soo, dey deesrv bwatty childwen hoo thrw tantrums @ gross-we store iff dey donot gt tht fking kandy bra.

Me mam@ paye-chk 2 paye-chk. Allwys. Soo, dats wht me lerned, tooo. Cn stwetch a sngle doll-uh fuh-kin far.

***I don’t need the cheese or the car keys, boy. I like you just the way you are.***

Nxt qn, pweeze. πŸ™‚

“WITCH QN # 2: LK PPL WHO KN PUT GM ON $?”

Fuk ya. Iff u smrt enuff 2 mk muney gro wiff0ut t@kng frum n herting 1nn0cent ppl, moore pwr 2 ya.

Iff eye kood, me bee wyke Wobin Hood n Wittl J0n.

“NO $H1T?! R U SERIUS?!”

Az uh hart attak. Y u s0 soupwized? Rrent moest ppl wyke dat? Eye fought dey were.

“PUT πŸ™‚ ON ME UGLY MUG JST NOW”

U onlee eber knw golddggrs yer entyre wyfe, or sumting??? Jeezus kwyst.

” πŸ™‚ SUPR NSRS!”

Sooper cuz dey twue, huh? Me feelz wyke u so supwized n w@y happee me tllng da twoof.

“OMG YES!”

Yoo pore ting. Yoo golddggr magn3t. Hw on Erf yoo attwackd mee iz beeyond me. Mks no cents.

“NO SHIT RT?”

Wayte…wheel kwick…wnna knw wht u did 2 mayke me knotice u? Eye meen, wheelie knotice u?

“YES!”

***Don’t care who or what hears this next part***

That one day at work, in the New Mexico Tech kitchen, when you said to someone, “That, is why I won’t do two shows a night anymore, babe. I won’t. I won’t do ’em.”

Whaaat?! The new Chef just spouted off my absolute favorite line from one of my most favorite movies of all time?! Then, not even a half an hour later, I am on my way to the line and hear, “Put the lotion in the basket!” Like, three times! I stuck my head through the door and yelled over to you, “Did you just say, ‘Put the lotion in the basket’?!”

You said, “Finally!” – an indication that I was the only one who knew what you were talking about. ‘Beetlejuice’ and ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ are two of my top ten favorite movies of all time. My attraction for you began there. I hid it, though. You were sporting a shiny gold wedding ring.

The pendulum just keeps swinging around the ‘ πŸ™‚ ‘.

“QN TM OVR”

“WITCH MNS 44”

Oh, word? Den sebenty-seben we-tired?

“NW # 55”

Um…kay…

“NW # 55”

Yupprs…um…

“NW # 55!!”

**scratches head**

Ohhhhhh!!! Shit!!! Weeeelly?!

“SHHH”

***This is not over yet…stay tuned***

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