08-14-2021 The All Black Feather. Oh, and I spent two nights in jail week before last.


“You’re a dork.” WHO’S A DORK????

Jail, Christina?

But, let me explain why this experience was sooo important, love.

You are not embarrassed to post this?

Why should I be embarrassed to post this? Everything I write in my journal/blog is the absolute truth. I could give a fuck what anyone else thinks. Kieran is going to find out about it one day. I have no clue if he even reads my blog.

Yes, you do.

No, I don’t.

YES, you do.

FINE. I may have a smidge of an idea that he reads my blog. What color boxers is he wearing at the moment?


Wait, what???


“Spirit, did someone I know book a flight recently or is going to book a flight?” YES

On August 2nd, I channeled DM energy and heard, “Eenie meenie miney moe”. Someone was picking out what seat they wanted. On a plane. First class. I felt very nervous. Not sure why.

“Spirit, is this another attempt to teach me a lesson in control like that last time you told me he was coming?” NO

Good, because y’all know I am well passed that shit.

“Spirit, does Kieran really think I will ‘break character’ before he does if he just pops into town and surprises me at The Capitol bar?” YES

Breaking character is not something I do. Ask my high school drama teacher. That night when I played ‘The Nurse’ in Romeo and Juliet and I bumped my head on the ceiling of Juliet’s room/balcony and the entire audience laughed, I did not once break character. Won me a $150.00 scholarship at the end of the year Thespian Awards for that lump on my head. Best Actress/Comedienne. ***BEAMS***

I have heard this song twice today. A playlist of over 500 songs.

You think you are so big and bad at everything, don’t you?

Well, yes. I don’t ‘think’. I know. Would you rather I thought I wasn’t anything at all? Is that the kind of woman you want to be your wife and mother to your two boys?

I am just being facetious.

I don’t even know what that means. Let me look it up real quick.

I cannot believe you had to look that up.

What? Why? Not everyone has a college degree like you, you butt. 🙂

FYI, The Holiday Inn Express is the best place to stay out here.

Don’t you think I know that?

How would I know? Kieran has never been out here. I wonder if that is the reason I keep hearing the songs ‘Down In Mexico’ and ‘Young Lust’ so much recently. You know, I have that home-made tarot card I made over a year ago that says ‘Yes, your vision of us at the Holiday Inn Express is coming true’. We haven’t messed with those for some months now, huh?

More like Down In New Mexico. Haha!

Dork. You know you got one, right?

Got one what?

A dirty girl.


I can’t help it. Everything I have been through in my life leading up to now, has made me a dirty girl. I embrace it.


This is a Let’s Start Over song.

Why do I feel like Kieran is so sexually deprived? I also feel like Rizza never sucked his cock. That SUCKS. (No pun intended.) That is selfish and I feel bad for any guy who doesn’t get his cock rocked by his woman with her mouth. I could be wrong, though.

You are not wrong.

Really?! That is horrible. I am sorry, babe. That is something that will never be a problem with us. I can’t wait to suck, rock and bounce on his cock.

I am…don’t know what to say right now.

Don’t say or think anything. I have seen some of the fantasies with me from back at the bar he’s had in his head. The walk-in fridge…the pool table…

How did you-


And speaking of Rizza…this song. LOL


Can you believe this shit?!

What shit?

All of the sudden, here at The Capitol Bar, you have to be wearing a mask if you are STANDING OR WALKING AROUND. If you are SITTING, you do not have to wear the mask. This bar is owned by Joanna and Earl DeBrine. I do not know if it is the genius of New Mexico’s Governor who implemented this or the two owners. After just speaking with a friend and ex-employee of the bar, she tells me it was the genius of Joanna.

This bitch. You should hear how she speaks to her employees. She talks down to them. She is this short, little thing with NARCISSIST written all over her. You should see how she hangs all over Brandon, one of the bartenders who used to work here. Now, Brandon is hot, but the bitch is married to Earl! And for years! I have no respect for her at all. Never would I apply here for a job. I would rather suck dick here on Bagley Street to pay the bills.

Why does this bother you so much?


Why are you yelling at me?

The caps was stuck on?


Okay, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a bitch. It is just the fact that humans are so fucking programmed to be robots and now that we know what is really going on, I am so aggravated.

Will you just relax? Not every soul is supposed to wake up in our lifetime. Instead of bitching about it, why not play the game better with the knowledge you have?

That, is an excellent point.

Teehee. We both end our sentences with prepositions.

Besides, if I know you, you will just pull it down below your nose so you can breathe and see better.

I wonder why that is such a ‘thing‘?


The ‘ending sentences with prepositions’ thing.

It is proper grammar.

What is the big deal if I do not use proper grammar in my journal? People won’t read it? I could give a fuck. This journal is for posterity purposes only. And for Kieran. He is going to shit when he finally reads all this.

He is reading it now.

Yeah right. And birds have feathers.

Haha! See what I did there?

Why are you still using your headphones when you are shooting pool?

Way to change the subject, babe. Because, I am practicing right now.

You use them when you are playing, too. Like I would not know. You are getting much lower when you shoot, by the way. Good girl.

Babe, I can concentrate better when I wear them.

That is a lie and you know it.

Swear to God sometimes! When there are loud mouths here telling me to hurry up and start trash talking me, my headphones drown out their bullshit. That is how I beat Big Joe Reichenbach that one tournament night.

All I hear are excuses.

They are not excuses! They are reeeeeasons. 🙂

You are so full of shit right now.

Also, when I am practicing during the early evening hours here at the bar, they are big enough to let others know I do not want to be bothered. PLUS-

There’s more??

PLUS, the music on the jukebox sucks 84% of the time and the other whatever percent of the time there is no music.

Are you high right now?

A smidge of a buzz, yes. It’s great weed, babe.

You did not drive?

You know I didn’t. What, you want Kieran to know I am not drinking and driving, don’t you? Thus, creating this sentence. As if he reads my blog…


Okay, okay. I’ll stop with the whole ‘he doesn’t read my blog’ thing. (But, he doesn’t.)

Quit nagging me about the jail incident.

Did you or did you not title this particular post with something about a jail incident?

I keep hearing this song!!!

“Spirit, am I delusional?” NO

Why do you keep asking that question?

I dunno. I guess I need to keep checking.


I just said I do not know, babe.

All this is really happening?? This is a frickin’ movie.

Who you telling?!

Kieran finally going through the paranoia, is he?

You bet he is.

That shit was not fun. Feeling like I was either being followed or that someone or something was watching me, suddenly seeing the same make and model of his Jeep everywhere in Hermosa Beach and-

This guy here at the bar is gorgeous, but drunk. LOL

What the hell happened to your thought?!

There is this cute college couple playing pool. They are so smitten with each other. Two men went over to play with them a few minutes ago. I have never seen the two men before.

Holy fuck. Now I know why y’all wanted me to come to the bar tonight. I kept hearing there is a message I needed to give someone. All I am doing is sitting here typing this post with no quarters to play pool and having spent my last 6 bucks on a beer and a tip. I’ve been here for over an hour when my eyes were diverted to this guy…good looking dude.

But, there is a sadness about him. I see it and feel it.

That’s him.

That’s the guy who needs a message. I don’t know how I know.

Looking around, I see Bobby. He will help me.

“Bobby, may I please borrow-“

“You want me to buy you a beer?” Bobby cuts in.

“What? No. I was hoping you would lend me 75 cents to play pool.”

He digs through his pockets and pulls out $1.75 in quarters. He hands it to me. “There, you have two games worth. Go get ’em.”

Placing my four quarters on the table, I ask if I can play the next game. The cute couple and the two other dudes do not seem to care either way.

After introducing myself to all players, I take the cute and sad one to the side. He seems comfortable with me and I can tell he doesn’t know why he feels comfortable with me. After a few words back and forth of small talk, he tells me his wife passed away three months ago. He is still wearing his wedding ring.

BINGO. This is the man who needs the message.

That is when I tell him, quietly, that I am a medium.

“I am a Christian. I don’t believe in that stuff,” he says.

“You don’t have to believe in it. I am just going to talk and you can listen,” I tell him.

He nodded and proceeded to tell me that he never comes to this bar; that he is not sure why he came tonight. He lets me lean in a little so that I am closer to his ear. It begins to hit me and I start talking in low volume near his ear.

“Long hair…dark…curly…”

He continues to listen.

“Take off the ring…you can wear it, but I’d like you to take it off…I miss you…you can let go…it’s okay…I’m okay…”

He gets up to take his turn on the pool table. I stay there, with my head down. He comes back, sits down and leans in to continue listening.

This is when it got hard.

“Daughter…our daughter…love her like you love me…” I started to cry. He remained silent.

“I will see you again…but you need to let go…daughter…our daughter…you can wear the ring, but it is okay to take it off…you can move on…you can…I will see you again..I love you…I miss you.”

Not being able to hold back the tears, feeling his energy of how much he missed his wife, I left the bar, went around the corner to the back of the bar and cried like a baby uncontrollably for five minutes straight.

When I went back inside and headed straight for the Ladies Room to dry my eyes and blow my nose. By then, their game was over and I was up to play. The guy and his partner won, but he walks over to me and tells me they have to leave. He held out his hand. I placed mine in his and he squeezed it gently. With very warm smile, he says, “Thank you.”

“No problem. Have a great night. Get home safely.” They left.

***THE CAPITOL BAR 08-19-2021 7:25PM MTN***

Adonnis added this song to the playlist. I hear it LOTS lately. I don’t have a birthday coming up. But, Kieran does.

There is an Eagles football game on right now.

I know.

Of course you do.

This song is either because I just got off an hour long telephone call with Derek about the trip to Hawaii he just got home from for the marriage of his girlfriend’s daughter, or…


Why do you keep thinking, “You’re a dork,”?

Because, you are! You are getting all gooey and squishy and I get all distracted and embarrassed and gooey and squishy and I am in the bar typing this post and looking CRAZY!

Oh no no, my love. They already think you are crazy.

Why is it that every time I place quarters down on the table, the people playing at the time tell me they aren’t any good? Like, they are assuming I am.

You are good.

Thank you, baby. But, I know you are just being-

I am not just being nice because I love you. You are good, but cocky.

Am not.

Yes, you are. We’ve had this discussion before.

You’re a


Yes. But, you are a butt who is right. Kind of. And only sometimes.

What is the difference between being confident and being cocky, by the way?

Your attitude and actions dictate the difference between the two.


Your mouth.

Do you have a specific example?

Do you really want me to get specific?

On second thought, I’m good.

I’m going to post this and start the next post. You were going through the Dark Night Of The Soul last week and I thought it would be fun to post some of your thoughts I heard in my head during that time.

Oh brother.

Babe, don’t be embarrassed.

I did not mean all that.

I know. But, I gotta write about it. LOL

No, you don’t.

Yes, I DO.

NO, you DON’T.

Awe, come on. I may be the only twin flame with the balls to post to the public some of what really happens in our heads with our counterparts during the dreaded D.N.O.T.S.

I don’t have much of a

choice? No, you don’t. Free will, my love.

Fine. Post your shit.


Love you!

I love you, too. You will be riding my cock soon.

Wait, WHAT?!

Tell them about the all black feather.

I can’t. All I keep hearing is, “You will be riding my cock soon.”

Damn. There it is again!

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