08-05-2021 The All Red Feather.

***DM THOUGHTS IN BOLD TYPE***

Babe, don’t bawl me out. You sound like

You’re Dad?

Yes. Well, it feels like my Dad. Err no wait. It feels like you. Dad doesn’t bawl me out. He just tells me, “Chris, if you don’t have a blah blah blah, then don’t blah blah blah.” (insert whatever you like where the ‘blahs’ are.) I am taking care of the things I need to take care of to land that promotion at work. The sleep doctor has to sign the DMV form first. That is another trip to friggin’ Albuquerque.

You are complaining about the drive to Albuquerque to get this taken care of to get that promotion?

Using the word ‘friggin’ is not a sign of complaining, babe. I called yesterday.

Call again today.

I will later.

No, now.

Oh, alright.

****FIVE MINUTES LATER****

The staff there is awesome! The receptionist told me Doctor Carol received my message from yesterday and noted that I am only at 67% compliance for the last week or so. She suggested I make sure I use the mask for the full eight hours for the next few nights so that my compliance gets to at least 70%. I understood. The last few nights I have been falling asleep without my CPAP mask on and putting it on after getting up to pee at 5am.

And all that took just five minutes, did it?

But, yeah. It did.

Dude, I added a few songs to the queue before starting this post. Do you have any idea how the song ‘My Room’ managed to slip itself in between ‘Insane’ and ‘Big Log’ without me adding it to the queue?

Are you really asking that question?

There you go again. Answering my questions with questions.

It is like those couple of days I thought my computer was on the fritz because I would start my Spotify New Beginnings playlist by hitting SHUFFLE like I always do, when suddenly it was like someone clicked the > forward button and just held it down. When it stopped, it was either stopping at ‘Crazy On You’ by Heart or ‘Crystal’ by Stevie Nicks. Then it started behaving about a week later.

***SHRUGS***

And then there are these particular songs that are suddenly playing lots after being added to the playlist months ago.

I do miss California. But, what algorithm was designed to hear my thoughts enough to suddenly start playing this and ‘California Love’ by 2Pac so much lately?

You still believe these are algorithms????

Oh, fine.

Do you know that I noticed my mother never hits ‘LIKE’ on any of my accomplishments that make me proud of myself?

That still bothers you.

Naw, not anymore. I have just become more aware of it since my life has been starting to really rack up the good things I am making happen in my life. It makes me wonder why, though.

You still do not know?

DANG IT. You with your answering my questions with questions.

What question did you ask just then? Hmm? There is not one question mark in what you just typed.

………

Okay, then.

I am reminded of the time we were taking pictures on high school graduation day. It was Dad, Mom, Susan Step Mom, Grandma and Grandpa and Grandma Elena. Mom wanted pictures taken in front of the fireplace. Nice, right? Until she wanted to be sure you saw her glamour shot in the background from eons ago. The pictures I kept, had my Dad’s head blocking her glamour shot picture. I remember thinking it was weird that she wanted it to show in the back of my grad pictures with my family. I just didn’t say anything until now.

Um, is it me or do we have a similar smile? Not bad for you being a white boy and me being a Mexi-can’t.

What is a Mexi-can’t?

A Mexican who cannot speak Spanish.

I thought you could speak Spanish. You told me you spoke Spanish.

Did I? I can speak enough to get me through, say, getting dropped off over the border and needing to find shelter and a toilet. It is wise to not let others know just how much I can speak. Oh and there is, of course, the occasional “Hay papi” in bed. That just comes with the turf.

Oh my God!

Oh yeah. This song reminds me, hun. I understand you are excited about our future. So am I, believe me. But sweetie, when I am in the middle of someone else’s reading, you can’t jump in with thoughts that do not pertain to my seeker.

I am quite certain I am unaware of the situation to which you are referring.

No? I can remind you. Matthew’s last reading a few days ago. I had to stop eleven minutes into his reading when I heard the thought loud, clear and with gusto, “IT’S A BOY! TWO OF THEM” I have it recorded in his video. Matthew even gave me permission to make the video available for public viewing.

Part of the auto writing for Matthew’s reading.
I had to stop after this last thought. I was no longer able to concentrate.

Spirit and I both knew this thought had nothing to do with Matthew’s reading. The energy was so…so….so like a father finding out he is having a boy after already having had six girls.

Yep, that’s you. Truly, it is adorable. 🙂

Hey wait. I do not get that.

What, that your mother does not want you to become more successful than her?

That makes no sense.

You mentioned once before she told you that her biggest sadness is that she could not make things work with your father. If you get married to a successful and wonderful man who treats you like the Queen you are, in her eyes, you did better than her. For someone with her narcissistic traits, that is a huge ‘no-no.’ Anyone who truly wanted the very best for you, would congratulate you on your accomplishments and blessings and not just say they are happy for you simply because they know it is the right thing to do and that is what a genuine person would do. Especially when all you did, and still do, is tell her how great all her accomplishments are. Whether it is a new craft project of hers or something she did nice for the neighbors.

I wonder if the reason she

…doesn’t read your blog is because she feels you will be writing about her and does not believe all this is even happening to you in the first place?

Yeah.

Of course. You knew that. You still know it.

Do you think she will feel like-

Like you are only writing all this stuff just to put her down and trash talk her to all her friends and the rest of the world?

Yeah.

She will, eventually. There is nothing you can do to control it. It does not make a difference whether this is just a diary or not. So long as she knows that others she knows just might read it, she will be upset with you for having exposed some of her human behaviors.

The good things you have to say about her that she will read, but not take in, is that you understand that all of her efforts at being your mother you appreciate wholeheartedly and attribute to your being in the best emotional state of your entire life.

Dude, that is just weird.

I know.

I feel like one more beer before I jet.

There is another ad on television here at the bar about medication. Humira or some shit. Back in the day, every other commercial on television was a vehicle advertisement. Nowadays, it is medication. “Are you bothered by mild to moderate explosive diarrhea? Ask your doctor about Nopooflua. Side effects may include stomach ache, abdominal pain, headaches, runny nose, a milky eye, anal leakage and a shit ton of constipation. ” (No pun intended.)

You do not need another beer.

What bothers me most is thinking I could be right about all this other stuff, but wrong about my mother. It would kill me to think I am just being an ungrateful daughter and just being mean with how I feel the reasons for her actions, or lack of, in this case.

Why not ask-

I did. My pendulum gave me a YES, but answers have changed in the past. This time, I asked for a very specific sign to confirm whether or not my feelings are correct. Since all I see around here are white or black and white feathers, I asked the Universe to show me a red feather. An all red feather. And it cannot be the picture painted on my wall of the two feathers. They sort of look like two red penis’ anyway. Is that the correct way to pluralize the word ‘penis’?

What???

Seriously. Look:

Our Paint N Buzz night.

Adonnis painted the stoned Pokemon on the upper right, I painted the sunset with the two moons and Pedra painted the two red feathers.

How did you get two red penis’ out of those red feathers?!

I don’t know, babe! You’re missing my point. Since that painting is on my wall, I specified that my seeing that picture was not a confirmation that my mom truly thinks the way she does about my getting married and having a successful, long lasting marriage to an amazing man, born on Earth specifically made for me, with a fantastic couple of rugrats. An all red feather was going to be my confirmation.

Fast forward two days from when I asked for the confirmation. I am getting ready to Netflix and chill with Oreo Kittee the other night and I could not find anything to watch. Noticing that the movie ‘Deep Blue Sea’ kept popping up as one of the newly added movies and somehow not wanting to watch anything else, I turned it on.

Guess who makes an appearance in the first half hour of the movie?

‘Preacher’ played by L.L. Cool J and ‘Bird’ played by Mary Kay Bergman

That, my most precious angel, is a red feather.

Yeah see, but for whatever reason I talked my self into thinking that wasn’t really a feather. It was Bird’s head.

Birds are covered in FEATHERS, Christina!

Why the fuck won’t this fly stop buzzing around my head? He has all these other cool places to land anywhere in the Capitol Bar, yet he chooses to land on my fricking eye lash, then down to my arm, then up to my forehead. Now he is on my hand-oh, there he goes. Why? Why dammit?

Gnat. You have the attention span of a gnat.

Thank you, Captain Obvious. I wonder if rubbing some Spearmint oil on me will keep them away? I put the bottle in my purse because I saw something online about how bugs do not like the smell. I’m gonna try it! Hang on!

I can’t believe this.

DUDE…I mean, BABE! IT’S WORKING! The little fuckers are not landing on me! Holy shit. Well, what do you know?

What was I saying?

And, there it is. That birds have no feathers.

Oh yeah! Okay, so after watching maybe 10 minutes more of the movie that night and not really accepting Bird’s few red pieces of hair on his-

FEATHERS. They are feathers. Not hairs, Christina.

FINE…feathers on his head, I went to bed.

The next day, while scrolling through my Instagram feed, I ran into this:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. That was a clear sign from my Spirit Guides that the answer to my question about my mom is YES. They were like, “Shit, Christina. You asked for a red feather. We guided you to a red feather. You want to argue with us about just what a red feather should look like? Okay. Here is a RED BIRD for your ass.”

I’M DYING!

You’re a turd.

At any rate, I have the answer to my question. I gotta say…I feel better knowing this.

Don’t get me started on the all black feather thing.

Tell them about that!!

I will. Next post. I am closing this one out. Laters Twin Flamers.

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