01-26-2021 Spirit, does The Dildo Narcissist Ex actually think I read his emails? YES. Because, I don’t.

***DM thoughts in BOLD type***

It’s true. I don’t. But, don’t take my word for it. See for yourself below. Again, every single question I ask Spirit with the pendulum. If anyone ever says to me, “But yeah, do you use the pendulum for EVERY question?, I can say ‘yes’ and be 100% honest about it.

I start work at the Hip Hop Shop today for a 3hr work walk-through.

A friend of mine told her girlfriend that exact thing some years ago. “Christina is the one you go to when you need to hide the body.” I was so touched. šŸ™‚

These are the ones I wanna get him. He’s my Superman.
NOW, will you move on?

He can call me dishonest all he likes. He swore he loved me, even with his crocodile tears. Yep. I guess I lied. I thought I was in love. Apparently, I was not.

What The Dildo Narcissist Ex Wesley wants everybody to believe is that what I am writing is all not true. He will tell you I wanted the drugs there. He won’t tell you about the hundred times I begged him to not bring it home or the little notes I left around the house saying, “Please let’s stop.” He won’t tell you the times he lied to me when he was spun off his ass telling me he wasn’t on meth. He won’t tell you about the times he faked being asleep so that I would think he wasn’t using meth. (Like I wouldn’t be able to tell.) He will not tell you that he told me in a text message that he knew I would stay if he kept bringing it home. He will tell you that he did not try and “get rid of” my kitty Jojo, that Jojo just left himself when the door was open. Those were his words. “I didn’t get rid of it!” Mind you, my cat never had a desire to leave the RV. Jojo came back two days later and I called Wesley the rat bastard I knew he was at the time for doing what he did.

He will tell you that I am the only person he ever loved. The first red flag with Wesley was our first argument after a rage he flew into one day. I knew something was off with the lad when he sent me the text, “You are the only person who will ever love me!” A person who says that with everything in them is someone who has truly felt they have never had anyone love them before. Including his parents. Not once have I ever seen his parents be affectionate towards each other or him. Not once have I ever heard them say they love him or were proud of anything Wesley did. His parents had a fling at work, Ron knocked up Ronnie and they were just, like, “Well, I guess we should get married then.” Their other son is also a piece of work. Nice, but you know. Narcissistic. Always in trouble with the law or drugs. Always getting bailed out by Mom and Dad. I’ll never forget the time Wesley and I went over to his parents house and his father, Ron, was out in the backyard. In the kitchen, on the counter, was a small compact mirror open with a half a rail of Cocaine and a little pouch for the mirror. We go outside to say hi to Ron and I see V.C.R under his nose. (V.C.R=Visible Coke Residue). I say, “Hi Ron! Say, uh, you got a little something on your nose,” and I gave him a little smile. He got all flustered, wiped his nose and made a comment along the lines of I must be mistaken. He never wanted to believe Wesley was on meth all day every day. Even my Mom was smart enough to believe me when I told her we were both using. At least she was woman enough to say something and not pretend it wasn’t going on like Ron.

The problem is, until Wesley does not see himself as a piece of shit, and he really isn’t, he will never find the love he wants. He did not get the love from his parents-two amazing pieces of narcissistic work. His father is the one who always bailed him out and never let him know what a good job he did at anything. I did that for him. “Wesley, you are such a great chef!” “Wesley, you are so witty!” “Wesley, you make me laugh so much!” It’s no wonder he did not want to let me go. I fed his ego 24/7. Wesley did not believe me when I told him I was leaving him. The day I told him that was my last day there, after a few, “What did I doooo?”s, I discovered Wesley’s kryptonite: silence.

And it worked.

I started picking up all my things and said nothing every time he said something. No words came out of my mouth and I ignored him as I packed my things. He flew into a rage that was worse than all his others and he punched the wall in the RV breaking his hand. He cried and blamed me. One day, he even told me he was going to kill himself if I left him. I remember I said back to him, “Oh, you’re not going to kill yourself. You have to work tomorrow.” Want to know why I said that? When I asked Wesley about considering rehab, his response was, “I can’t. I have to work.”

Then there is his uncle Brady who I am positive molested him on more than one occasion growing up. The disgust on Wesley’s face every time we were around Brady was apparent. Wesley hates Brady. It was, for me, confirmed one day when Wesley and I were taking a shower together. This happened not long after I moved in. He flinched when I went to wash his little rocket. That and the fact that Wesley is into sex with guys, but on the way down low. Wesley denies it and I get it. I even told him that when we first started hanging out, I went through his phone and saw what I had found in Derek’s email box when Derek left it open on my laptop. I found pictures of guys and their dicks sent to Wesley and vice versa. I saw numerous ads on wanting to ‘party and play’ with other guys. The day I moved in, I told him I would not move in unless he was honest with me about being bi comfortable. I told him he was well aware what I had gone through with Derek and I was going to make damn sure I knew what I was getting into this time with him. I was even honest with him when I told him it was a turn on for me. He denied it and denied it and then he admitted it. He said he only did it for the meth. But, he sure loved it when we went and bought a strap on together so that I could peg him. He loved it. I threatened to send video of us of the pegging to his father when we broke up and he LOST it. He is extremely afraid of what his father will think of him if he finds out Wesley is either a bottom or has sex with men. (Or both, like in this case.)

And that is a shame. NO one should have to be ashamed of what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom.

All in all, I am extremely grateful for everything I have been through in life with everyone I have met. It all led to this. šŸ™‚

Weird coincidence that the beer name is Elysian Space Dust?
Ado bought his first Polaroid camera.

There was this one time Kieran said something to me that made me go:

I was playing pool with someone, forget who, and I am not sure what exactly prompted him to say it, but all I heard was, “Maybe she could if she wasn’t always talking,” He said it as he was walking out of the pool room.

WHAT, did you say to me? You got BALLS talking to me like that. I didn’t say this out loud-only thought it.

I remember smiling inside and being so turned on. Not many guys have had the nerve to stand up to me for anything, let alone tell me I have a big mouth. Which I do.

Ascension Symptoms Anyone?

Browns and blues. Seriously?? You do? šŸ™‚

Run away with me.

Vamos!

Do you need me to transl-

NO!

Just checking. šŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: